It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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