R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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