Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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