How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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