dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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