What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
