What did we do last night that was yellow?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
