ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
