Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
