i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
