did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
