I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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