he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
