i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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