Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it because I queefed?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
