she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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