third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I want a musical about memes.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
