I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
