rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
