haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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