I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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