He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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