so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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