I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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