Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize