Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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