We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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