she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you had me at cake vodka
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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