I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
