Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
