we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
