can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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