just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
