If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
