dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
