took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
