sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
