i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
