Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
