Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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