Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
