your parents love me but you hate me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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