We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
