I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
