you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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