I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
