apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Panties = found
Randomize
