There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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