I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize