My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
