bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
