There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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