Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
