i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
