Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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