he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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