When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
