they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
