a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
