So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
