is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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