so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
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