a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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