If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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