how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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