her vagine was all disorganized.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
