so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
